Fog

Illumination and Darkness are lovers. It is impossible to think about either in isolation. Darkness in all forms seeks illumination. And illumination is the reason for the existence of darkness. And yet, they cannot meet each other in the open during daytime. But think of a moonlit night in dense deserted backwoods, and you cannot tell one from the other. They become one. So when one of them steps into life, it is likely that the other is also not far away. Those eternal lovers are just inseparable.

The glitz of metros had always enticed Schalu. It is now when she is living in one, the tenebrous part has come to the fore. She just returned from a party on this frigid and frosty night. It was late past midnight and sleep seemed as elusive as the distant star she was gazing at.

Why did she feel so lost after such parties? After all, these parties are supposed to be ‘great’ and ‘fun’. It seemed to her that the meaning of these words has withered away like the fragrance of a desiccated flower.

Everyone around seems to be so jolly and convivial. But how many of them can she really count on? The city is praised as resilient. But the lack of depth in relationships seems to be the reason for it. Every daily activity seems to be a struggle here or rather struggle has become synonymous with life.

People mostly prefer spending time with their friends by partying. But that is not her idea of intimacy. She would rather prefer those lazy conversations with her friends at home where the topics were anything on earth. She cannot even think of that kind of conversations with people around here. Is that because of the place or because of the fact that she has grown up? She didn’t have the answer. But she could feel the warmth of the quilt and smell the queen of the night in the garden of her home, so vividly. Nostalgia gripped her.

She remembered what a positive person she was as a teenager. She believed in hard work as the way to success. She believed in her dreams, in the power of love, in the fairness of life and in the almighty God. Ten years passed and all these beliefs are shaken now. So this apathy is what being grown up means.

The men in her life so far. At the outset, she disliked their ultimate intentions. Only till she realized that all men are alike by those standards. Still she dreamed of someone who can sweep her off the feet and make every moment feel like one life. Someone who can make her life a fairy tale. Unfortunately, he hadn’t arrived yet. She wondered if she had higher expectations from life or it is just that others had compromised on something lesser.

Was she unattractive? Of course, she was a little plump. And couple of strands of her hair had become grey. She could have done something about it. But she was lazy. And more than laziness it was a kind of revolt from within. Can someone not accept her the way she is? There is a lot more to her than her appearance. But would somebody notice that?

She dreamed of loving and being loved. She had some expectations of how her relationship with her man would be. But with each cultural shock the metropolis gave her, those expectations found a new nadir. Her simplest dreams of life seemed so elusive now. She felt short of breath. She didn’t know who was to be blamed - the mist in the air or the pain in the heart.

She wondered whether she was being harsh to the metropolis. Probably it was her who could not adapt to this lifestyle. Or probably she was also being harsh to herself. Or probably she just needed some more time. After all, that one good event in her life and everything would seem to be falling in place. Life seemed like such a gamble.

The daybreak had arrived as usual. And she was waiting for the ray that would lift the fog. Fog that blurs the vision. Or fog that blurs the faith.