Obviation

Schalu was bored. Sunday morning and no great plans for the day. Lazily flipping through the newspaper, she suddenly came across some shocking stuff. Of course, people killed, sensex acrobatics, death sentences, cricket victories, didn’t thrill her anymore. So-called maturity and the resulting indifference had already taken their toll.

What really surprised her was that the latest Bollywood flick which she and Prudie enjoyed to the core this Friday, was given a poor 1-star rating by the newspaper. What the heck! The movie obviously wasn’t a classic but a decent entertainer. It deserved at least a 3-star rating, she thought.

“The movie reviews are losing their credibility these days. Look Prudie, what rating they have given to the movie we watched this Friday.”

“Lost credibility?". Prudie murmured being disturbed from his day-dreaming. "They never had any credibility in first place. What credentials do these reviewers have to review a movie? Have they themselves made one? If not, then these reviews are nothing more than a Mandira Bedi sitting in a commentary box, explaining how a Sachin Tendulkar should play his cover drive.”

“I think that they are particularly harsh with the Hindi Movies. English Movies have to be really bad to get a bad rating from them. I think it is nothing but deep seated Indian inferiority complex.”

“Hmm.. may be you are right, but not totally. The important thing to realize is that Hindi and Hollywood movies cater to different needs of people. If you take a look at IMDB top 100 movies, at least 40 of them would belong to crime genre and not even half of that to romance.”

“Yeah! Even the lovely ‘Titanic’ does not figure even in top 250 there. All they like is Godfather, Pulp Fiction, Psycho.. I guess they relate to crime better than romance. But Indians still have a soft corner for romance. Because of the social inhibitions we still possess, romance is still unattainable for many. And anything unattainable is attractive. That is human nature.”

“.. while I was wondering how much romance is left for imagination in a country where average age for people to lose virginity is 13?”

“..aarghh ! Now I think you too suffer from lack of imagination. Can you guys separate romance from ...”. Schalu was frowning.

Prudie saw that his genuine attempt to be witty was seen in bad light. A typical Mars Vs. Venus starwars wasn't his idea of a Sunday morning. Olive branch was the need of the hour.

"Alright! Alright!! But I believe there is one more thing. The rich and the poor divide. In Hollywood, cinema is seen as an art, as a form of expression. They can afford to take more risks. Whereas a typical Hindi movie producer is more worried about the commercial success. That is why he doesn’t take risks and rather continues with time tested formulas.”

“Whatever! But one thing is sure. I am not gonna give a damn about these reviews while deciding to watch a movie in future.”

"May be we should launch our own movie ratings?"

"Ye!! And call 'em Schalu & Prudie's - S & P's !"

"After all, we are challenging some Moody evaluations ..."

They chuckled while their words echoed. Suddenly they realised something. Turning to me, both of them shouted in unison, "Hey you greenhorn-finance-junkie! Stop flaunting your paltry knowledge through us."

I was a lil bit embarrassed but happy. For a change, Prudie and Schalu found something they could mutually agree upon.

Anatomy

She asked Prudie, “How come you love me so much? You hardly know me.”

All Prudie could manage was a sheepish smile.

“No. No. Tell me why do you love me?”

Why does one fall in love with someone? She wants the reasons. As if it was some M & A being planned between two MNCs and the underlying strategic motives better be in bullet points. He was wondering what would be next - graphs of dedication vs. return for their relationship? Or probably something more quantifiable. Beta value of the price of the gifts that he gave to her over the past one year!

Suddenly the gravitational force on his wallet felt to be weaker. Prudie felt like his credit card – swiped and used. Worse, he could also feel the pain caused by the scratches.

“I asked you something?”. Prudie’s thought process was brought back to the point.

Why does one fall in love with someone? He had no clue. So he came up with a management strategy. Take it piece by piece. If he could answer why he fell anywhere, probably he could get some lead. So he tried to fire from the unloaded gun.

Reasons for falling anywhere could be, to:

• crush a banana skin
• taste the dust
• seek attention
• check the strength of his vertebral column
• figure out whether Dettol or Savlon is better

Stupid enough. He felt like a loser desperately trying to justify something which was beyond his control.

Giving reasons for falling in love can only sound more foolish, nothing lesser. At best, one would be talking about the reinforcements that one builds up over a period of time. But are not these the after effects rather than the underlying reasons?

There is no reason for love. If there is a reason, then it is not love.

And that is exactly where its beauty lies.

That is what he told her. And she gave him a smug smile. They were happy.

END OF POST (for the lover, poet, irrational, sentimental, normal … ....et al types ..)

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As an afterthought, some reasons did occur to Prudie. Those could actually have been assigned. He thought of Sexual Attraction, Peer Pressure, Need for Intimacy, Westermarck Effect, Carnal desires …

The surgeon was dissecting, and the reason for beauty had to be in the anatomy!

Religion

Scenario I: Millions of people throng to a city called Allahabad.
Mission: Maha Kumbh.
Reason: To take a dip in the holy Ganga on the occasion.
Belief: This would help them to get rid of their sins.

My take: Wastage of Time.

Scenario II: Thousands of karsevaks throng to a place called Ayodhya, birthplace of Lord Rama.
Mission: Demolition of Babri Masjid.
Reason: Paying back in the same coin for demolition of a temple at the same place earlier.
Belief: Lord Rama is possessive about Thy birthplace?

My take: Wastage of Energy.

Scenario III: A minister in state of UP declares a prize of Rs. 51 crore, on the head of a Danish person.
Mission: Taking the life of person who ridiculed the image of God.
Reason: The person made a cartoon of Prophet Muhammad.
Belief: God should be angry for this, so should be the followers.

My take: Wastage of Money.

Do I sound blasphemous?
May be you would say, "Yes".
But then I would argue on the definition of religion and blasphemy.

Do you think that bathing in some water can get rid of your sins?
Sounds pretty naive. May be this is the belief of people of who like committing sins. And when their conscience bites, they want to feel smug by thinking that they took a bath in the holy river and hence their sins are forgiven.
I ask, why to commit sins in first place? And if at all you think you have committed one, there are many better things that can be done in remorse, rather than dirtying a valuable source of drinking water.

Do you think that God would be possessive about Thy birthplace?
Well, if you believe in God, tell me a place which doesn't belong to Thee. And hence, would Thee want people to die for this cause? This sounds more likely of a human dictator rather than God.

Do you think that God would be angry just because someone made a cartoon of Thy?
Being made the centre of a ridicule, I know people, who would easily join the resulting laughter.
And you think the almighty God would not do the same. A joke is just a joke. It does not change what you are or what Thou Art !

So if at all there is a God, (Being agnostic, this debate doesn't amuse me) and Thou art worthy of being worshipped, Thou would be above petty human emotions. It is only human imagination that ascribes human emotions like possessiveness, anger etc. to God. I would go on to say that thinking on these lines is demeaning God and hence tantamount to blasphemy.

My definition of religion would comprise of compassion, discipline, self-restraint, pragmatism and common sense. Updation with changing times using contemporary wisdom would be absolutely vital. No ritual should be followed without understanding the reason behind it. And any kind of vandalism, brutality and fanaticism should be rendered as blasphemy.

Worrying about whether you land up in Heaven or Hell, please don't make the present abode, a Hell. Rather try to make a heaven here itself. Can you think of any task which could not be accomplished with the volumes of time, energy and money we were talking about? Just wonder about the results, had these efforts been made for a real cause.

Now, I ask you again.

Do I sound blasphemous?
I think it depends on your definition of religion and blasphemy.

But in case your answer is still "Yes", please go and get a bath in the nearest holy river so that your sin of reading this blog is forgiven.

And if your answer is "No", don't worry about the people who just dirtied our source of drinking water. It was already dirty with reasons more than religion. We just saved a bucket of clean tap water!

Sunsigns

Ever since my childhood, the most amusing idea for me has been, "What is going on in the mind of the person next to me?"

In the quest to find out the same, I came across the world of sunsigns. To start with, I thought it is the dumbest thing to assume that the entire world has 12 kinds of people. Not that I would completely disagree with the statement today. Of course, the social-political-economic environment, parents, family, friends and a lot of other innumerable factors are important in the formation of a single personality. But then, an insight into this world of sunsigns, and my views changed to some extent.

What is a sunsign? Putting simply, when you are born, the sun is in one of the 12 divisions of space made by the astrologers. And that particular division determines your sunsign. Whether astrology is a science or not, whether you should believe in it or not, I would keep all this discussion outside the scope of this blog. Since I found it worth spending my time, no prizes to guess my views on this.

Predicting future on the basis of Sunsigns is almost impossible. And that is why you might feel that all those forecasts on Sunday Magazines or elsewhere are rubbish. I agree. For predictions, Indian astrology could be better as it encompasses the effects of planets other than Sun. But at the same time, saying that it is complex, would be an understatement. And for the same reason, it has been abused by people claiming themselves to be astrologers not even knowing 5% of it actually. They remind me of this quote, "For every complex problem, there is an easy, simple to understand and wrong solution !"

It is believed that the Sun influences your personality more than any other planet. So, taking sunsigns as a basis, if you predict personalities, it would not meet the same fate as predicting future. It would be somewhat realistic.

Even more interesting is the compatibility of sunsigns. Of course, a wise person can adjust with all sorts of people. But then, sometimes you meet people and strike the right chord immediately. You seem to be speaking each others mind. They are the ones with whom you don't need to adjust. Somebody else has adjusted them to you. Probably, the Sun.

Add numerology to the sunsigns, and the predictions about personalities would get even more realistic. Given the kind of complex creature a human being is, would it not be really great if you can predict something about a person with the birthdate, notwithstanding that it is only 40-50% correct? The only reason which keeps me going on ...